“Death and life are in
the power of the tongue...”
(Prov 18:21)
In the last mystery, we considered the temptation to speak badly about other people behind their backs; in this one, where Jesus is mocked and crowned with thorns, our meditations in the community often turn to the problem of speaking “thornily” to others to their face. He who speaks without reflecting stabs like a sword, says the book of Proverbs (cf. Prov 12:18), and how easy it can be – especially with those we know well, like our family or closest friends – to say things that run the risk of wounding others (even without meaning to) in the deepest parts of their heart.
Thorns, interestingly enough, are a defense mechanism for a plant; often, they are the only means it has to preserve something that is otherwise vulnerable and tender. I wonder how often our own “thorniness” in speaking is rooted in a similar instinct: whenever we say something sharp and hurtful to someone (or are tempted to), it’s good to stop and reflect – why do I feel this defensiveness here? What am I trying to protect? What in my heart needs to be healed?
In the community, again, I’ve heard two key meditations in particular that can drastically alter the dynamic of our conversations and relationships:
If you give a “thorn,” repair the damage as soon as possible. In the physical world, it’s the plainest common sense: as soon as a splinter lodges itself in our skin, we're quick to pull it out and wash the wound – if unnoticed or ignored, that seemingly insignificant speck can fester into an abscess. Much the same is true of our words: when we realize that we’ve let slip a nasty turn of phrase, we should apologize as soon as possible – lest that word bury itself in the heart of the hearer and turn into a much bigger problem later on.
If you receive a “thorn,” bear it as Jesus did. Others, of course, struggle with the same temptation to speak “thornily” to us, and when that happens we have a choice: either to lash out in return, or to imitate Christ in bearing the “thorn” with love and for love, in the hope that our patience in that moment can help the person reflect and convert. As a brother has frequently said in his homilies recently, fire is quenched by water…not by a bigger fire.
“As soon as you perceive that you have acted with anger, make reparation for the fault by a prompt act of gentleness towards the same person…as they say, fresh wounds are easily healed. We should not only have…the sweetness of polite conversation with strangers but also [sweetness] among the members of our family…Those who seem to be angels in public fail in this by being devils at home.” (St. Francis de Sales, Philothea, III.8)
Lenten Challenge, Week 3:
- Prayer: Meditate on Proverbs 15 this week
- Fasting: Focus on refraining from speaking “thornily” to family members
- Almsgiving: Try to speak words of enragement and – if necessary – apology instead
Image: closeup from “The Crowning with Thorns,” Caravaggio