“A blow from a whip
raises a welt,
but a blow from the tongue
will break bones.”
(Sirach 28:17)
In the community, we often use this simple passage to open up a whole new sphere of reflection on the mystery of the scourging of Christ. It’s easy to think that we would not have joined the soldiers in whipping our Lord’s back – but do we recoil with the same horror from lashing out against members of His Body behind their backs?
How do we speak about other people?
It’s not an unimportant matter; as a brother has pointed out, St. James says that “If anyone does not fall short in speech, he is a perfect man, able to bridle his whole body also” (James 3:2) and St. Paul warns that slanderers [if they do not repent] will not enter the kingdom of God (cf. 1Cor 6:10).
“But it’s the truth,” we might be tempted to say if called on a sharp remark we’ve made about someone else. Maybe it is. (And maybe it isn’t. How many times do we fall into judging and labeling the unseen motives of the person when it is only God who can see the heart? – cf. 1Sam 16:7) But even if it is…does it need to be said? Should we not rather “cover the nakedness,” so to speak, of our brother, when Christ laid down His life to cover ours?
There are two simple but truly luminous points I’ve heard in the community regarding this topic which can quite literally transform our relationships and communities.
1) Judge the action, not the person. We must, of course, be able to distinguish between good and evil, between what is sin and what is not sin, which means that we must be able to judge another person’s actions: after all, Jesus says to judge with upright judgment (cf. John 7:24). But the person is not subject to our judgement; God alone is the Judge (James 4:12). While there is life there is hope: the person can always change.
2) Practice fraternal correction. If someone does something wrong, the (fallen) human reaction is often to discuss it with everyone else…except that person! That’s not the way Jesus teaches us to react. Instead, He teaches us to address the problem directly: first one-on-one with the person who did wrong, then (if necessary) with someone else as a witness; then with the whole community (cf. Matt 18:15ff) – and to do so with appreciation and love, acknowledging the person’s strengths and encouraging them to greater heights (consider the corrections Christ makes to the churches in Revelation 1-3).
How much do these two points characterize our thoughts, conversations, and relationships?
Often, when we think of “fasting,” we think of food – a deprivation, not only of the stomach, but of the tongue. Could we focus, this Lent, on another “fasting” of the tongue – from false or unedifying speech?
“Gossip is a very human thing, they say. – And I reply: we have to live in a divine manner.” (St. Josemaría Escrivá, “Furrow,” n. 909)
Lenten Challenge, Week 2: focus on “fasting” in your conversations this week from saying negative things about other people.
Comments